Dear makers of MoviPrep,

[CBRADGO]

Go fvck yourselves, heartless bastids...

[southernmallard]

Hope you have a laptop with wireless! The bathroom will be your best friend...good luck my man. Hope everything goes well.

[CBRADGO]

I've got the next best thing, an iPhone with 5 bars of 3G and a full charge. I swear, it's like drinking chilled Pledge. Nastiest stuff ever. I appreciate the well wishes...

[steel shot]

you've got to add a double dose of crystal lite lemon flavor.Sure will mask that nasty taste!!!

ss

[CBRADGO]

Thanks, that actually made it somewhat bearable

[Buckwabit]

If you've got Crohn's Like me, then you have to drink that stuff every other year. I'll be 34 in a couple of days and I've already had 10 colonoscopy's in my life...Sucks for sure

[CBRADGO]

Wow, hate that for you bro. I tried the Crystal Lite pink lemonade and it wasn't gag city but nasty nonetheless. Everything's cool, bout to SMASH some Cracker Barrel and then go home and CRASH! Thanks again, glad I shouldn't have to do it again for a few years...

[dukhntn]

I'd say this topic fits your screen name perfectly...

[donia]

Wow, hate that for you bro. I tried the Crystal Lite pink lemonade and it wasn't gag city but nasty nonetheless. Everything's cool, bout to SMASH some Cracker Barrel and then go home and CRASH! Thanks again, glad I shouldn't have to do it again for a few years...

they've been calling me for another - been 5 years and i've been deaf to the ringing phone for their number! if i do get another done, it won't be by that rough sob (examination was painful and he didn't seem to mind it one bit - the proceedure, i have no idea about, thank goodness!)

my wife still reminds me that i can still remember what i had for breakfast after it was over, but not what the dr. said..."now what'd the dr. say?"...hour or so later "now, what did the dr. say?"...hour or so later, you get the idea. said she was going to pin a note to my chest "i'm fine, dr. didn't find anything, but i had blueberry pancakes, bacon, and 2 eggs over easy for breakfast" told her i remember the last part, what'd the dr. say?

[CBRADGO]

Just checked this after waking up, don't even remember getting on here or typing anything. I called my Mom twice in 3 minutes to let her know I was OK. Still don't fully remember breakfast...

Verced and Fentanyl, where have you been my whole life?

Wow, hate that for you bro. I tried the Crystal Lite pink lemonade and it wasn't gag city but nasty nonetheless. Everything's cool, bout to SMASH some Cracker Barrel and then go home and CRASH! Thanks again, glad I shouldn't have to do it again for a few years...

they've been calling me for another - been 5 years and i've been deaf to the ringing phone for their number! if i do get another done, it won't be by that rough sob (examination was painful and he didn't seem to mind it one bit - the proceedure, i have no idea about, thank goodness!)

my wife still reminds me that i can still remember what i had for breakfast after it was over, but not what the dr. said..."now what'd the dr. say?"...hour or so later "now, what did the dr. say?"...hour or so later, you get the idea. said she was going to pin a note to my chest "i'm fine, dr. didn't find anything, but i had blueberry pancakes, bacon, and 2 eggs over easy for breakfast" told her i remember the last part, what'd the dr. say?

[donia]

she also said i had a nitrogen (gas used to proceed further into the depths with the scope) purge of my own once back in the room with all the curtains separating me from all the other patients....have NO recollection, but after my boistrous purge, she scolded me and i supposedly said loudly..."i don't care, it felt GOOD!"

[DanP]

Been down that road, had ulcerative colitis. After the 5th time drinking that crap within 6 months I physically couldnt do it, start pukin soon as it hit my throat. So they just cut me colon out

[ms_malrd_melee]

I called my friend Carter Davis, a gastroenteritis, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Carter showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Indyanapolis like so many Interstates do .

Then Carter explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A 17,000 FOOT TUBE UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Carter's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep.

You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently.

You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.

At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room where Carter was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Carter had it hidden around there somewhere.

I was seriously nervous at this point. Carter had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Carter that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate.

You want me to turn it up?' Said Carter, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, Feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Carter was looking down at me and asking me how I felt.

[redneckduck]

had to drink it last night and the finding was cancer free. i hope that you are the same