Suicide....

[Magic Mallard]

It might not be the time, but it never "truly" is...
Suicide is definite and a chicken@#it way out of this world...
I know what "gun oil" tastes like....been there twice...both after a divorce of a woman that I was married to for over 10yrs....it wasn't losing her that hurt...it was "losing" my two little girls....something about having to sell your home and feeling that you "lost" everything that will drive a man to do unnatural things....the bottom line is, when I hit rock bottom and put that barrel in my mouth, I asked God with tears in my eyes to just let it end...then a phone rang...long story short, I didn't do it and I went to bed that night praying and crying that the sun not come up again unless things would get better...
That next day, the sun did come up, and I found an ad in the paper for the Gulfport Fire Department...the very thing on this earth that I had always wanted to do, but never had the guts, or the way to do it.....I put down the bottle and the cigarettes that day, put on my shoes and started running.....Well, I made the cut, got the job, and became my own hero, of sorts....
In doing that job, I got to see the "other" end of that barrel, I had stared down sometime before....What I saw, I wish on no man....it wasn't the blood....it was the tears...
It wasn't the tears of the sumbitch that pulled the trigger....no, he got out easy....it was the tears of the very people that he left behind, some of 'em probably the same ones that he might have thought didn't love him anymore....These tears and faces, I see from time to time....and yes, they are probably the reason why I quit the fire department.....
For some people, it gets hard to see dying.....especially when you know that you could've been "looking" at yourself...
My point is....when you think that it just can't get any better and you just don't want to take another breath....think of the burden that you will place on the people that will carry your casket and cry at your funeral....sure, we'll all be gone in time, but it's not our time to pick....and the sun will come up tomorrow...
Since I decided not to pull the trigger and wake one more day....I remarried a beautiful woman that loves me with all her heart....not only do I still have my two girls, which are now young ladies, I have a 2.5yr old Son and an eight week old brother to him to take hunting in the near future....all I have to do is continue to wake up every morning, and God will do the rest....When you need help and you want to shut the door, that is truly the time to holler for help....Someone will be listening...
St.

[BeastMaster]

good read

[go24]

Thanks. Seems that lots are thinking those thoughts. You may have helped someone.

[champcaller]

thanks for that.... great advice

[cwink]

All I can say is that everyone is handles things differently. I had a cousin that comitte suicide because of a divorce and left disabled son to deal with it. I think some as yourself are able to rationalize and others can't.. Just glad you were able to..

[Bankermane]

I was a the bottom more than once. Don't know why? Cronic depression. Been in the same situation. A friend once told me that you're at the bottom. There is no way to go but up. Time cures all.

i still remeber that when times are tough. Still get in funks but I always know its gonna get better. And it does.

[feedcall]

Great read, thanks for sharing that

[Double R 2]

That's a great testimonial, MM. Way to put it out there on the table for everyone to see. Great job on making through your troubling times.

[Jelly]

Great read St. Barq... I'm thirsty, got any root beer left, that is some goooood stuff..

[Seymore]

I'm glad things worked out for you. Please be careful in making over generalized statements and applying them. Monday morning quarterbacking as a psychiatrist is not what is needed. Just something that needs to be thought through very carefully.

[Magic Mallard]

They ain't generalized statements and I ain't physhin' from nowhere....I can't and I won't feel sorry for anyone that pulls the trigger on themselves out of pity....I pity the ones that are left to clean up the mess and have to keep on living, in fact, they are the only ones that don't have a choice in the matter....that's a fact...
What I did here, was share something that is a fact...maybe, just maybe, someone out there will be in a similar situation one day and this might just save their life....other than that, I really don't care what you think Seymore....
This comes from someone that has been there and has seen the end....I made a choice, one that I can live with....had I made the other choice, I'd hate to know what effect it could have had on my innocent children and other loved ones that are in my life....take it however you want to....
But I've been on both sides of the deal, tasted the bluing, and cleaned up the messes with loved ones crying out in the background....I still hear 'em to this day...My Grandma told me also when I was just a young boy, that taking your own life guaranteed you a trip straight to hell....that life, our life, was the only thing that was given by God for us not to take.....I thought of those words while I tasted the gun oil....those words, I will never forget....
St.

[Magic Mallard]

I apologize Seymour....I didn't mean to jump off the handle, it's just that these subjects are touchy for me....
St.

[jacksbuddy]

Thanks MM. Unless you've been through that hell, you have no idea the demons others are fighting. I appreciate your point of view. I pray others see it and realize that bad times come and go, but they don't last.

And thank you too; to God, good friends, and caring family.

[champcaller]

i agree with mm, i also dont have sympathy for those who take their own lives only the ones they leave behind.... its just selfish in my opinion..

i also dont have sympathy for those who drink and drive in a car accident, overdose, etc... call me heartless but i dont have sympathy for someone who does something knowing what the consequences can and eventually will be... i only pity the ones they leave behind.

just my .02

[qckmstr]

good read MM. i agree with you on the majority of it. i don't have any pity on people who commit suicide either. it's just a stupid selfish act that results in leaving everyone close to you dealing with your pity party. but far as saying you go to hell if you kill yourself.. i don't believe that.. i've heard that growing up too.. now, i attend church feb.-nov (sad but true), i know that's not as often as i should, and i know i'm not as up to date on the Bible as a should be...but i know of no place in the Bible that says if you kill yourself you go straight to hell.. if anyone knows where it says that please pm me with that info.